The 10-Second Rule by Clare De Graaf

Author:Clare De Graaf
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Howard Books

Tongue Control

I urge men to make pre-decisions to eradicate certain statements from their vocabulary that wound their wives like “You’re just like your mother” or “You always . . .” (Actually, not making any statement that begins with “you” is a great pre-decision to guard against hurtful comments when tensions are high.) Women, you, too, know what words wound the man in your life.

We usually know, don’t we, when we’re about to use language unwisely: An unkind word is forming in our minds, or we’re about to explode at our children or at the person in the car ahead of us. Everyone within earshot is about to get a lesson, good or bad, in how a child of God behaves.

What’s your plan for the next time you find yourself at that ragged edge?

One woman I know admitted that she was convicted to make a pre-decision when she determined that she was speaking disrespectfully about her own mother in front of her children. She would not let that sin get the better of her again. Another man emailed me that he made some pre-decisions about his rough language and dirty jokes used thoughtlessly on the construction site after a new guy from work showed up at his church one Sunday. It was only then that he realized what a terrible witness he’d been on the job.

Here’s another way I’ve learned to use the Rule: I listen for God’s warnings more often now before I open my mouth. And for good reason. I have a great sense of humor. I love to laugh. I laugh at myself and others. But I can go over the edge way too quickly with sarcasm in the guise of humor. I’ve cut some people deeply, and as a result I’ve learned to pray often and think deeply about what I need to do to keep the blade safely in its sheath.

The Rule has been equally helpful when a badly needed apology seems glued to the back of my mouth, or when a prideful statement or a little white lie is shaping itself, spring-loaded and ready to impress someone with how spiritual I am, or to cover up something I’d prefer to keep secret.

I often hear warnings from the Holy Spirit when I’m on my way to meet with someone, anticipating a difficult conversation, and I’m already lining up my arguments, talking myself into an anger way beyond the importance of the issue. Sometimes it’s only the Rule and a pre-decision on the fly that keeps me from embarrassing both God and myself—probably hurting someone else who doesn’t deserve it.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

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